The time has come – to destroy agile

 

I still remember my first “talk” on agile – it was inspiration for this site in the first place. The first thing that I said at my “course” was: “I have come here to destroy waterfall”. But, I also said, “Don’t trust me a word. The time will come, when what I say today will not be true any more.”

You see, the problem with methodologies and ideologies is that you sell them differently than medicines or food. When you buy milk in the shop, the first thing you check is the expiration date. There is no such a thing when you sell, or buy a methodology. And there is a time, when people who come after us have to say enough is enough, and destroy the bullshit.

bestBefore

 

The beginning of the end came as soon as agile have become an industry, as soon as agile courses, gurus and Dalai Lamas started pitching and preaching agile. People who never wrote single line a code, who never cursed others for breaking the build, or who never had to wake up in the middle of the night because something got broken. Soon, agile was to be fucked up. All things I wrote on this blog was my silly attempt to correct that, and I hope you had enjoyed it, but now the time has come to destroy it.

My trigger was this post today:

shitAgile

First thing I wanted to do was to write a comment to the guy saying: “man, if  the only problem you have is one QA guy missing, fuck yourself and start testing.” Then, the things became more intriguing. Suddenly the problem was in semantics, that people actually did kanban, while they were saying they were doing scrum, so, could be that the solution was just to name the whole mess kanban? Finally, after reading the post completely, I realised that nobody actually gives a shit about what they are doing, so they just hired one agile scrum moron to go around and whine??

Agile has become a joke, and that hurts me, as I worked so much in the past to make it happen.

I say, fuck it and destroy it. People who wrote agile manifesto long way back deserved better way to be remembered.

P.S.

The day after writing this post I got a tweet from @somatik : @pizuricv you’re not alone 🙂 https://vimeo.com/110554082  , by Erik Meijer.

Oh my god, you must watch it! It is exactly to the point. But please don’t stop watching after the first rant, you must watch it till the end! Promise me, please. Erik is saying the same thing, but he also is talking about other, very important aspects of the software development and management.

  • need for coders to code
  • need for hierarchy
  • need for leadership, but distributed
  • need for different opinions
  • need for feedback loop – but with people who have conflicting arguments

In a way, all things I was writing about in this blog. Amazing.